The Real Deal: Cinderella Expose

The Real Deal on “Cinderella”: An Exposé
The Injustice of the Step-Complex
We all know the story of Cinderella. Once upon a time (4 words that should make anyone cautious), there was a poor girl who was mistreated by her step-family, who had nowhere else to go, and stayed with them because she was a good person dedicated to looking after their welfare, forsaking her own. She was up at the crack of dawn every morning, and worked her poor hands to the bone until it set again at night. *Sigh* Until that magical day (literally) when she was visited by Disney’s version of a Guardian Angel (we’ll get there soon enough!). She ended up attending a wonderful (one night, keep this in mind) event, where she met the man of her dreams, who just so happened to have a title and goodly amount of wealth to his name. Of course destiny would preclude that they would need to prove their love for each other (which just must be so strong if they know they are meant to be together after a few hours and a couple dances), while a host of forces attempted to keep them apart. But as we also all know true love always prevails, and the happy two-some ultimately ended-up tying the knot. All those years of toiling away at that housework... how lucky was Cinderella to have so many friends in those multitude of animals to speak to her and help her out so she didn’t go insane from all that screaming and yelling by her family members? Thank goodness her prince found her. Oh, I almost forgot. I was going to add in here that it is also perfectly normal that the ultimate reason they found each other once again was all thanks to a glass high heal shoe. Really? Glass shoes? Pardon me, they were slippers.
This is a perfectly practical story. We relate these fairytales every time we need to remember what “true love” looks like, or if we need to feel angry towards someone who acts like those wicked “steps”. Wait.... hold on. If there was ever a person in need of therapy it is probably our beloved storybook heroines. Holding to a completely westernized standard, most of our ladies have no sense of self identity whatsoever. Most of them leave some type of broken home just to walk into a marriage with a man they hardly know. In other words, they all seem to be running away from their problems, potentially into a host of other issues. Yet we *sigh* and call it true love. Sleeping Beauty and Snow White both ran off with the first guy to make out with them... and they were both half dead at the time! Suspiciously, all of our Princes also share the same name, “Charming”. While as an adjective this might be alright, as a name it is fairly uncommon, which also seems a little circumspect? Anyone find it strange that all of these Princes have the same name? No? Perhaps we should change the name to “Prince Player.”
Our fairytale heroines seem to all be in need of a little emotional self-esteem make-over. To top it all off, I am sure that many of them also have some type of clinical disorder (our poor Cinderella, along with many of her friends, talk to animals for goodness sake! And she thinks they talk back!). If we really wanted to delve a little deeper, the idea behind our heroine’s “Fairy Godmother” is also cause for slight concern. “Bibbity Boppity Boo”... do these sound like slurred words to you? I am pretty sure they are, at the least, nonsensical words, although I am sure that Dr. Seuss would be proud of the old lady. Oh, and why a pumpkin? I mean, I like pumpkin just as much as anyone else. But is there not another gourd that may have been more appropriate? Oh no, because pumpkins are “magical”!
So, if we look a little deeper into the character of the characters of the story, what do we find? At the root of the whole issue seems to be a very big misunderstanding- a misunderstanding of how to express emotions such as: grief and loss (over the death of a loved one), anger from Cinderella (over the “replacement” of a parent in the form of stepparent), anger from the Stepsisters (over shared/split attention), and anxiety (in terms of roles within the family structure). Miscommunication of feelings during critical life events within this blended family structure has led to patterns within the family which are destructive to all those involved.
What we currently are seeing is a very misunderstood family, who are trying to over compensate in areas with actions that have become harmful, because they don’t know how to communicate their wants and needs properly with each other. We have a blended family who are made out to be sadistic, cruel and generally mean tempered (of course we are talking here about all the “steps”... although, keep in mind that Cindy is also a “step” on the flip side). We have a stepmother portrayed as “evil”, and yet our heroine cannot be deemed perfect either within her manner and conduct (she is quite disobedient is she not? Another cry/plea for attention? Perhaps). Our poor stepsisters are acting out in their need for attention from their mother, as they have been overshadowed by their mother’s need to pay attention to Cinderella’s condition, and they have reacted by taking our their anger and frustration on the easiest target, and the source of their frustrations. Our stepmother is attempting to deal with her grief and loss, while also trying to adjust to life as a parent to a child that is not hers, and who may also have mental issues. Cinderella, in dealing with her substantial grief and loss over losing not one, but two, parents, has created for herself a world in which she never needs to deal with reality. By having animal friends to talk to, she will never have to fear being left alone by a human being ever again. This however, is overshadowed eventually by her need to ultimately reject the family supporting her, so she also creates in her mind the perfect companion (because everyone’s perfect companion is a handsome prince with tons of money and power, and she craves power over a situation in which she feels helpless) in which to transfer her affections to. However, upon creating this individual she places upon them such a high degree of perfection that ultimately the fantasy will be unable to be maintained. What happens after this is anyone’s guess.
And yet, who gets the rap over all of these issues? The poor Stepmother. Of course, if something goes wrong we should always blame the Mom, but if you are Stepmom then you got them all beat! This story of the “poor Cinder-girl”, creates a false image of blended families. The misconstruing of essential elements of the story paint a picture considers only one perspective of the story. The stepsiblings also take a hit here as part of the “evil” crew, but there seems to be more going on under the surface that is glossed over. Cinderella is either: a) as unfortunate as she seems to be or b) a little insane and very good at manipulating people. All that side, what if there was a way to help alleviate these problems before they had spiralled so far out of control? What if there was a way to work with this dysfunctional family, so that Cinderella may eventually let go of her psychoses and be able to develop a relationship with another individual based on mutual respect, understanding, and open lines of communication, built up over days as opposed to minutes?
Is it time for Cinderella to wake up, and realize that dreams are not wishes conjured up by a fistful of smooth muscle contracting simultaneously, but rather the result of action meeting preparation? And I am not sure a “Fairy Godmother” and a pumpkin carriage are really going to cut it!

Re-Invention

Okay, I have no idea where this came from, but I have this overwhelming desire to go shopping and "re-invent" my look. As in... I want to go shoe shopping? And dress shopping? Whoa. Well, okay, I still want to go out and buy more workout clothes, but I also want to buy dressy clothes. For what occasion, and where I would wear them, ummmm not sure. But I feel like I want a pair of real high heels (not my fake kitten heals, lol). And a pencil skirt. *Sigh*.

"Ahhhhhh" (in a sing-song type way)

So, I have been watching myself on video the last few weeks, with my counseling videos... and *shock/awe/surprise* I see myself as THIN(er)! WTF? I can't even be critical, because I have to sometimes do a double take. Say what? Since when did that happen? Kind of nice... in a shocking kind of way.

have a little faith- Mitch Albom

"And then what happens? When life comes to an end?"
I shrugged.
"You see?"
He leaned back. He smiled.
"When you come to the end, that's where God begins."

Happiness is a tablet. This is our world. Prozac. Paxil. Xanax.... You don't need a specific trauma: just "general depression" or "anxiety", as if sadness were as treatable as the common cold.... much of what we call "depression" was really dissatisfaction.

"Getting old we can deal with. Being old is the problem."

What do people fear most about death? I asked the Reb.
"Fear?" He thought for a moment. "Well, for one thing, what happens next? Where do we go? Is it what we imagined?"
That's big.
"Yes, but there's something else."
What else?
He leaned forward.
"Being forgotten," he whispered.

He also, on occasion, told the joke about a man who complains to his doctor that his wife, when angry, gets historical.
"You mean hysterical," the doctor says.
"No, historical," the man says. "She lists the history of every wrong thing I've ever done."

"But real commitment? That requires staying power- in faith and marriage."
And if you don't commit? I asked.
"Your choice. But you miss what is on the other side."
What's on the other side?
"Ah," he smiled. "A happiness you cannot find alone."

"Even in our own faith, we have questions and answers, interpretations, debates. In Christianity, in Catholicism, in other faiths, the same thing- debates, interpretations. That is the beauty. It is like being a musician. If you found the note, and you kept hitting the note all the time, you would go nuts. It's the blending of the different notes that makes the music."
The music of what?
"Of believing in something bigger than yourself."

And I should be ashamed thinking I knew everything, because you can know the whole world and still feel lost in it. So many people are in pain- no matter how smart or accomplished- they cry, they yearn, they hurt. But instead of looking down on things, they look up, which is where I should have been looking too. Because when the world quiets to the sound of your own breating, we all want the same things: comfort, love, and a peaceful heart.

If one day....

One Girl Revolution- Saving Jane

"One Girl Revolution"

Raise your hand if you don't care
What those platinum girls wear
Raise your hand if you're just here
To have a good time

Raise your hand if your lipstick
Doesn't make you a dumb chick
Raise your hand if the shape of your hips
Don't compare to the shape of your mind
You don't even stand a chance
I'm not taking off my pants

I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm not a barbie doll, shopping mall, silicone substitution
I thought I told ya
I'm a soldier
And I'm not leaving til the battle's over
One girl revolution

Raise your hand if you're smart, girls
More than pushups and pearls
Let 'em stare at our pictures, baby
While we take over the world
Raise your hand if you're not another carbon copy wannabe like everybody else
Raise your hand if you've got something more to say

I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm not a perfect ten, paper thin, Hollywood illusion
I thought I told ya
I'm a soldier
And I'm not leaving til the party's over
One girl revolution

What are we selling, our brains or our belly buttons?
What are you buying, don't you know that they're lying?
What are you cryin' about, don't just sit there and wait while they're selling us out!

You don't even stand a chance
I'm not taking off my pants

I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm not the girl next door anymore
Baby I'm an institution
I thought I told ya
Don't wanna know ya
Pack your bags, baby, cuz this army's taking over
I'm here to start a one girl revolution

I'm the kind of chick that leaves you cryin for your mother
Keep on looking if you're looking for a cookie cutter

Group Therapy

Okay, so while I don't really enjoy going to group therapy (I find it interesting, but I am not one to share a lot of personal stuff, so even personal growth in a group is very difficult), I can see some benefits. I had said at one point that my personal goal was going to be "confidence". Let me explain.

I think on the surface I come across as confident. However, inside I often feel very differently. I am actually just a very good actor. I second guess most things, worry about what people are thinking, and constantly doubt my ability to do something. So I have been working on my self talk (like the good CBTist that I am). And there are actually a couple of places where I can see this beginning to take effect.

The last two weeks I have been conscious of my talk, and when it starts to occur I look for exceptions and repeat the exceptions. So, when I have been doing my counseling tapes I actually have felt in control, and I have felt like I know what I am doing, and apparently it has come across to both my prof and my clients. The other area I see it working in is my skating. The last two weeks I have had consistently good skates every time out. Generally Wednesday's would be the "bad day". For no other reason except that it was Wednesday. And yet, as soon as I was able to do an axel (the jump I have refused to do for the last year and a half, for no other reason than it scares the s$%# out of me), things have changed. I showed up to the rink one friday and decided I was going to do an axel. I did... and the rest as they say is history. I will now do an axel every session, and I think the fact that I have conquered that stupid "fear" has really made a difference to the rest of my jumps to, because I have the confidence back in them.

Now if I could only be as confident about my personal life, I would be set.