The Real Deal on “Cinderella”: An Exposé
The Injustice of the Step-Complex
We all know the story of Cinderella. Once upon a time (4 words that should make anyone cautious), there was a poor girl who was mistreated by her step-family, who had nowhere else to go, and stayed with them because she was a good person dedicated to looking after their welfare, forsaking her own. She was up at the crack of dawn every morning, and worked her poor hands to the bone until it set again at night. *Sigh* Until that magical day (literally) when she was visited by Disney’s version of a Guardian Angel (we’ll get there soon enough!). She ended up attending a wonderful (one night, keep this in mind) event, where she met the man of her dreams, who just so happened to have a title and goodly amount of wealth to his name. Of course destiny would preclude that they would need to prove their love for each other (which just must be so strong if they know they are meant to be together after a few hours and a couple dances), while a host of forces attempted to keep them apart. But as we also all know true love always prevails, and the happy two-some ultimately ended-up tying the knot. All those years of toiling away at that housework... how lucky was Cinderella to have so many friends in those multitude of animals to speak to her and help her out so she didn’t go insane from all that screaming and yelling by her family members? Thank goodness her prince found her. Oh, I almost forgot. I was going to add in here that it is also perfectly normal that the ultimate reason they found each other once again was all thanks to a glass high heal shoe. Really? Glass shoes? Pardon me, they were slippers.
This is a perfectly practical story. We relate these fairytales every time we need to remember what “true love” looks like, or if we need to feel angry towards someone who acts like those wicked “steps”. Wait.... hold on. If there was ever a person in need of therapy it is probably our beloved storybook heroines. Holding to a completely westernized standard, most of our ladies have no sense of self identity whatsoever. Most of them leave some type of broken home just to walk into a marriage with a man they hardly know. In other words, they all seem to be running away from their problems, potentially into a host of other issues. Yet we *sigh* and call it true love. Sleeping Beauty and Snow White both ran off with the first guy to make out with them... and they were both half dead at the time! Suspiciously, all of our Princes also share the same name, “Charming”. While as an adjective this might be alright, as a name it is fairly uncommon, which also seems a little circumspect? Anyone find it strange that all of these Princes have the same name? No? Perhaps we should change the name to “Prince Player.”
Our fairytale heroines seem to all be in need of a little emotional self-esteem make-over. To top it all off, I am sure that many of them also have some type of clinical disorder (our poor Cinderella, along with many of her friends, talk to animals for goodness sake! And she thinks they talk back!). If we really wanted to delve a little deeper, the idea behind our heroine’s “Fairy Godmother” is also cause for slight concern. “Bibbity Boppity Boo”... do these sound like slurred words to you? I am pretty sure they are, at the least, nonsensical words, although I am sure that Dr. Seuss would be proud of the old lady. Oh, and why a pumpkin? I mean, I like pumpkin just as much as anyone else. But is there not another gourd that may have been more appropriate? Oh no, because pumpkins are “magical”!
So, if we look a little deeper into the character of the characters of the story, what do we find? At the root of the whole issue seems to be a very big misunderstanding- a misunderstanding of how to express emotions such as: grief and loss (over the death of a loved one), anger from Cinderella (over the “replacement” of a parent in the form of stepparent), anger from the Stepsisters (over shared/split attention), and anxiety (in terms of roles within the family structure). Miscommunication of feelings during critical life events within this blended family structure has led to patterns within the family which are destructive to all those involved.
What we currently are seeing is a very misunderstood family, who are trying to over compensate in areas with actions that have become harmful, because they don’t know how to communicate their wants and needs properly with each other. We have a blended family who are made out to be sadistic, cruel and generally mean tempered (of course we are talking here about all the “steps”... although, keep in mind that Cindy is also a “step” on the flip side). We have a stepmother portrayed as “evil”, and yet our heroine cannot be deemed perfect either within her manner and conduct (she is quite disobedient is she not? Another cry/plea for attention? Perhaps). Our poor stepsisters are acting out in their need for attention from their mother, as they have been overshadowed by their mother’s need to pay attention to Cinderella’s condition, and they have reacted by taking our their anger and frustration on the easiest target, and the source of their frustrations. Our stepmother is attempting to deal with her grief and loss, while also trying to adjust to life as a parent to a child that is not hers, and who may also have mental issues. Cinderella, in dealing with her substantial grief and loss over losing not one, but two, parents, has created for herself a world in which she never needs to deal with reality. By having animal friends to talk to, she will never have to fear being left alone by a human being ever again. This however, is overshadowed eventually by her need to ultimately reject the family supporting her, so she also creates in her mind the perfect companion (because everyone’s perfect companion is a handsome prince with tons of money and power, and she craves power over a situation in which she feels helpless) in which to transfer her affections to. However, upon creating this individual she places upon them such a high degree of perfection that ultimately the fantasy will be unable to be maintained. What happens after this is anyone’s guess.
And yet, who gets the rap over all of these issues? The poor Stepmother. Of course, if something goes wrong we should always blame the Mom, but if you are Stepmom then you got them all beat! This story of the “poor Cinder-girl”, creates a false image of blended families. The misconstruing of essential elements of the story paint a picture considers only one perspective of the story. The stepsiblings also take a hit here as part of the “evil” crew, but there seems to be more going on under the surface that is glossed over. Cinderella is either: a) as unfortunate as she seems to be or b) a little insane and very good at manipulating people. All that side, what if there was a way to help alleviate these problems before they had spiralled so far out of control? What if there was a way to work with this dysfunctional family, so that Cinderella may eventually let go of her psychoses and be able to develop a relationship with another individual based on mutual respect, understanding, and open lines of communication, built up over days as opposed to minutes?
Is it time for Cinderella to wake up, and realize that dreams are not wishes conjured up by a fistful of smooth muscle contracting simultaneously, but rather the result of action meeting preparation? And I am not sure a “Fairy Godmother” and a pumpkin carriage are really going to cut it!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Re-Invention
Okay, I have no idea where this came from, but I have this overwhelming desire to go shopping and "re-invent" my look. As in... I want to go shoe shopping? And dress shopping? Whoa. Well, okay, I still want to go out and buy more workout clothes, but I also want to buy dressy clothes. For what occasion, and where I would wear them, ummmm not sure. But I feel like I want a pair of real high heels (not my fake kitten heals, lol). And a pencil skirt. *Sigh*.
Friday, March 5, 2010
"Ahhhhhh" (in a sing-song type way)
So, I have been watching myself on video the last few weeks, with my counseling videos... and *shock/awe/surprise* I see myself as THIN(er)! WTF? I can't even be critical, because I have to sometimes do a double take. Say what? Since when did that happen? Kind of nice... in a shocking kind of way.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
have a little faith- Mitch Albom
"And then what happens? When life comes to an end?"
I shrugged.
"You see?"
He leaned back. He smiled.
"When you come to the end, that's where God begins."
Happiness is a tablet. This is our world. Prozac. Paxil. Xanax.... You don't need a specific trauma: just "general depression" or "anxiety", as if sadness were as treatable as the common cold.... much of what we call "depression" was really dissatisfaction.
"Getting old we can deal with. Being old is the problem."
What do people fear most about death? I asked the Reb.
"Fear?" He thought for a moment. "Well, for one thing, what happens next? Where do we go? Is it what we imagined?"
That's big.
"Yes, but there's something else."
What else?
He leaned forward.
"Being forgotten," he whispered.
He also, on occasion, told the joke about a man who complains to his doctor that his wife, when angry, gets historical.
"You mean hysterical," the doctor says.
"No, historical," the man says. "She lists the history of every wrong thing I've ever done."
"But real commitment? That requires staying power- in faith and marriage."
And if you don't commit? I asked.
"Your choice. But you miss what is on the other side."
What's on the other side?
"Ah," he smiled. "A happiness you cannot find alone."
"Even in our own faith, we have questions and answers, interpretations, debates. In Christianity, in Catholicism, in other faiths, the same thing- debates, interpretations. That is the beauty. It is like being a musician. If you found the note, and you kept hitting the note all the time, you would go nuts. It's the blending of the different notes that makes the music."
The music of what?
"Of believing in something bigger than yourself."
And I should be ashamed thinking I knew everything, because you can know the whole world and still feel lost in it. So many people are in pain- no matter how smart or accomplished- they cry, they yearn, they hurt. But instead of looking down on things, they look up, which is where I should have been looking too. Because when the world quiets to the sound of your own breating, we all want the same things: comfort, love, and a peaceful heart.
I shrugged.
"You see?"
He leaned back. He smiled.
"When you come to the end, that's where God begins."
Happiness is a tablet. This is our world. Prozac. Paxil. Xanax.... You don't need a specific trauma: just "general depression" or "anxiety", as if sadness were as treatable as the common cold.... much of what we call "depression" was really dissatisfaction.
"Getting old we can deal with. Being old is the problem."
What do people fear most about death? I asked the Reb.
"Fear?" He thought for a moment. "Well, for one thing, what happens next? Where do we go? Is it what we imagined?"
That's big.
"Yes, but there's something else."
What else?
He leaned forward.
"Being forgotten," he whispered.
He also, on occasion, told the joke about a man who complains to his doctor that his wife, when angry, gets historical.
"You mean hysterical," the doctor says.
"No, historical," the man says. "She lists the history of every wrong thing I've ever done."
"But real commitment? That requires staying power- in faith and marriage."
And if you don't commit? I asked.
"Your choice. But you miss what is on the other side."
What's on the other side?
"Ah," he smiled. "A happiness you cannot find alone."
"Even in our own faith, we have questions and answers, interpretations, debates. In Christianity, in Catholicism, in other faiths, the same thing- debates, interpretations. That is the beauty. It is like being a musician. If you found the note, and you kept hitting the note all the time, you would go nuts. It's the blending of the different notes that makes the music."
The music of what?
"Of believing in something bigger than yourself."
And I should be ashamed thinking I knew everything, because you can know the whole world and still feel lost in it. So many people are in pain- no matter how smart or accomplished- they cry, they yearn, they hurt. But instead of looking down on things, they look up, which is where I should have been looking too. Because when the world quiets to the sound of your own breating, we all want the same things: comfort, love, and a peaceful heart.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
One Girl Revolution- Saving Jane
"One Girl Revolution"
Raise your hand if you don't care
What those platinum girls wear
Raise your hand if you're just here
To have a good time
Raise your hand if your lipstick
Doesn't make you a dumb chick
Raise your hand if the shape of your hips
Don't compare to the shape of your mind
You don't even stand a chance
I'm not taking off my pants
I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm not a barbie doll, shopping mall, silicone substitution
I thought I told ya
I'm a soldier
And I'm not leaving til the battle's over
One girl revolution
Raise your hand if you're smart, girls
More than pushups and pearls
Let 'em stare at our pictures, baby
While we take over the world
Raise your hand if you're not another carbon copy wannabe like everybody else
Raise your hand if you've got something more to say
I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm not a perfect ten, paper thin, Hollywood illusion
I thought I told ya
I'm a soldier
And I'm not leaving til the party's over
One girl revolution
What are we selling, our brains or our belly buttons?
What are you buying, don't you know that they're lying?
What are you cryin' about, don't just sit there and wait while they're selling us out!
You don't even stand a chance
I'm not taking off my pants
I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm not the girl next door anymore
Baby I'm an institution
I thought I told ya
Don't wanna know ya
Pack your bags, baby, cuz this army's taking over
I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm the kind of chick that leaves you cryin for your mother
Keep on looking if you're looking for a cookie cutter
Raise your hand if you don't care
What those platinum girls wear
Raise your hand if you're just here
To have a good time
Raise your hand if your lipstick
Doesn't make you a dumb chick
Raise your hand if the shape of your hips
Don't compare to the shape of your mind
You don't even stand a chance
I'm not taking off my pants
I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm not a barbie doll, shopping mall, silicone substitution
I thought I told ya
I'm a soldier
And I'm not leaving til the battle's over
One girl revolution
Raise your hand if you're smart, girls
More than pushups and pearls
Let 'em stare at our pictures, baby
While we take over the world
Raise your hand if you're not another carbon copy wannabe like everybody else
Raise your hand if you've got something more to say
I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm not a perfect ten, paper thin, Hollywood illusion
I thought I told ya
I'm a soldier
And I'm not leaving til the party's over
One girl revolution
What are we selling, our brains or our belly buttons?
What are you buying, don't you know that they're lying?
What are you cryin' about, don't just sit there and wait while they're selling us out!
You don't even stand a chance
I'm not taking off my pants
I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm not the girl next door anymore
Baby I'm an institution
I thought I told ya
Don't wanna know ya
Pack your bags, baby, cuz this army's taking over
I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm the kind of chick that leaves you cryin for your mother
Keep on looking if you're looking for a cookie cutter
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Group Therapy
Okay, so while I don't really enjoy going to group therapy (I find it interesting, but I am not one to share a lot of personal stuff, so even personal growth in a group is very difficult), I can see some benefits. I had said at one point that my personal goal was going to be "confidence". Let me explain.
I think on the surface I come across as confident. However, inside I often feel very differently. I am actually just a very good actor. I second guess most things, worry about what people are thinking, and constantly doubt my ability to do something. So I have been working on my self talk (like the good CBTist that I am). And there are actually a couple of places where I can see this beginning to take effect.
The last two weeks I have been conscious of my talk, and when it starts to occur I look for exceptions and repeat the exceptions. So, when I have been doing my counseling tapes I actually have felt in control, and I have felt like I know what I am doing, and apparently it has come across to both my prof and my clients. The other area I see it working in is my skating. The last two weeks I have had consistently good skates every time out. Generally Wednesday's would be the "bad day". For no other reason except that it was Wednesday. And yet, as soon as I was able to do an axel (the jump I have refused to do for the last year and a half, for no other reason than it scares the s$%# out of me), things have changed. I showed up to the rink one friday and decided I was going to do an axel. I did... and the rest as they say is history. I will now do an axel every session, and I think the fact that I have conquered that stupid "fear" has really made a difference to the rest of my jumps to, because I have the confidence back in them.
Now if I could only be as confident about my personal life, I would be set.
I think on the surface I come across as confident. However, inside I often feel very differently. I am actually just a very good actor. I second guess most things, worry about what people are thinking, and constantly doubt my ability to do something. So I have been working on my self talk (like the good CBTist that I am). And there are actually a couple of places where I can see this beginning to take effect.
The last two weeks I have been conscious of my talk, and when it starts to occur I look for exceptions and repeat the exceptions. So, when I have been doing my counseling tapes I actually have felt in control, and I have felt like I know what I am doing, and apparently it has come across to both my prof and my clients. The other area I see it working in is my skating. The last two weeks I have had consistently good skates every time out. Generally Wednesday's would be the "bad day". For no other reason except that it was Wednesday. And yet, as soon as I was able to do an axel (the jump I have refused to do for the last year and a half, for no other reason than it scares the s$%# out of me), things have changed. I showed up to the rink one friday and decided I was going to do an axel. I did... and the rest as they say is history. I will now do an axel every session, and I think the fact that I have conquered that stupid "fear" has really made a difference to the rest of my jumps to, because I have the confidence back in them.
Now if I could only be as confident about my personal life, I would be set.
Friday, January 29, 2010
One Day You Will- Lady Antebellum
"One Day You Will"
You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now
[Chorus]
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet
[Repeat Chorus]
Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of
[Repeat Chorus]
One day you will
Oh one day you will
You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now
[Chorus]
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet
[Repeat Chorus]
Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of
[Repeat Chorus]
One day you will
Oh one day you will
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Better Day- Saving Jane
I have been asleep so long now
All locked up without a key
I have tapped my feet impatient
For a change to come to me
I've been hanging my hair
Outside this tower
Waiting for a savior
When all along I had the power to save myself
And I can tell
It's gonna be a better day
I think I'm gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It's alright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can't take what's mine
I've been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It's gonna be a better day
Every princess has a castle
Some kind of honor to defend
I would rather fight my battles
Than hide behind a thousand men
I've been hanging my hair
Outside of this tower
Waiting for a savior
When all along, I had the power to save myself
And I can tell
It's gonna be a better day
I think I'm gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It's alright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can't take what's mine
I've been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It's gonna be a better day
I gotta make my own luck
I gotta find my own way
I gotta see that there is more to life than just existing
I wanna be living
It's gonna be a better day
I think I'm gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It's alright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can't take what's mine
I've been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It's gonna be a better day
All locked up without a key
I have tapped my feet impatient
For a change to come to me
I've been hanging my hair
Outside this tower
Waiting for a savior
When all along I had the power to save myself
And I can tell
It's gonna be a better day
I think I'm gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It's alright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can't take what's mine
I've been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It's gonna be a better day
Every princess has a castle
Some kind of honor to defend
I would rather fight my battles
Than hide behind a thousand men
I've been hanging my hair
Outside of this tower
Waiting for a savior
When all along, I had the power to save myself
And I can tell
It's gonna be a better day
I think I'm gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It's alright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can't take what's mine
I've been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It's gonna be a better day
I gotta make my own luck
I gotta find my own way
I gotta see that there is more to life than just existing
I wanna be living
It's gonna be a better day
I think I'm gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It's alright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can't take what's mine
I've been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It's gonna be a better day
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Semester #2 - OMG (plus Medicating Rant)
Jesus. Okay, probably shouldn't swear, but not sure how else to express all of these emotions. 4 classes would sound not so bad... I mean, there were 5 classes a semester throughout all of undergrad. But here apparently 4 course is like chaos! I am so overwhelmed at this point, and it is only week 1. I am not sure how I am going to get through all of this. And I am serious.
Okay, maybe not super serious, and perhaps this is all brought on by the fact that as I sit here and I write I am pissed off. I was really excited for abnormal, thinking maybe it might take me back to my bio roots. Wrong. I think it makes it especially hard because there are people in the class who disregard the medical model, but the way they talk sounds awfully naive to me. I had to sit in class tonight and listen to a girl (who I consider an almost-friend) bash doctors (which actually had no relation to what we were talking about at all) for almost 15 minutes. This all based on an experience she personally had. The funny part is that I had the EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE (same drug, everything) and an opposite experience. So this impassioned speech dissing both doctors and medicine for psychopathological diseases was completely biased, but when you tried to interject all you got was resentment and hostility. UGH. I understand that the medical profession has a lot of pitfalls and a lot of negative connotations associated with it. So does counseling people! One is not better than the other, and it all boils down to education. Education in my opinion for the patient. Ultimately, it is there choice. However, when someone (say a counselor) is so biased and prejudiced that they can't objectively help educate a "patient" on their options, isn't that just as unethical as what doctors sometimes do when they prescribe without educating?
Maybe I am prejudiced and don't believe that all problems can be solved by "talking". If you understand the human body, and the complexities associated with hormones and the functioning of the organs and systems based on the triggers associated with those hormones, I don't think that there is any possible way you could NOT be a proponent for medicating in certain instances. Agreed, it is over used and over done in a lot of cases, and given out when it is not needed. Be conservative, okay. I can understand that. But unless you understand the biochemistry and the work that goes into researching those medications, do not tell me that they are "not tested properly", etc etc. Bullshit. Yes there are dangers. Yes, your doctor should inform you of risks. He didn't? That sucks. But you cannot base your judgment of "medicating" based on your one single experience.
Okay, I feel a little better now. Still overwhelmed with all of this homework. Perhaps in my next blog I will list all of my assignments, give an understanding of the hell I am in for. Ugh.
Okay, maybe not super serious, and perhaps this is all brought on by the fact that as I sit here and I write I am pissed off. I was really excited for abnormal, thinking maybe it might take me back to my bio roots. Wrong. I think it makes it especially hard because there are people in the class who disregard the medical model, but the way they talk sounds awfully naive to me. I had to sit in class tonight and listen to a girl (who I consider an almost-friend) bash doctors (which actually had no relation to what we were talking about at all) for almost 15 minutes. This all based on an experience she personally had. The funny part is that I had the EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE (same drug, everything) and an opposite experience. So this impassioned speech dissing both doctors and medicine for psychopathological diseases was completely biased, but when you tried to interject all you got was resentment and hostility. UGH. I understand that the medical profession has a lot of pitfalls and a lot of negative connotations associated with it. So does counseling people! One is not better than the other, and it all boils down to education. Education in my opinion for the patient. Ultimately, it is there choice. However, when someone (say a counselor) is so biased and prejudiced that they can't objectively help educate a "patient" on their options, isn't that just as unethical as what doctors sometimes do when they prescribe without educating?
Maybe I am prejudiced and don't believe that all problems can be solved by "talking". If you understand the human body, and the complexities associated with hormones and the functioning of the organs and systems based on the triggers associated with those hormones, I don't think that there is any possible way you could NOT be a proponent for medicating in certain instances. Agreed, it is over used and over done in a lot of cases, and given out when it is not needed. Be conservative, okay. I can understand that. But unless you understand the biochemistry and the work that goes into researching those medications, do not tell me that they are "not tested properly", etc etc. Bullshit. Yes there are dangers. Yes, your doctor should inform you of risks. He didn't? That sucks. But you cannot base your judgment of "medicating" based on your one single experience.
Okay, I feel a little better now. Still overwhelmed with all of this homework. Perhaps in my next blog I will list all of my assignments, give an understanding of the hell I am in for. Ugh.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
New Year- 2010
Well, to start off with I should point out that the year 2010 promises to be alright, based on my numeric OCD and strange patterns. 20 and 10 are both multiples of 5 (my favorite number), and 20 is 10 doubled (multiples of 2 are also good numbers and- 1 goes into 2 twice, 10 goes into 20 twice, if you divide 10 by 5 it gives you two, divide 20 by 5 gives you 4, 4 divided by 2 is 2.... see what I am getting at?). 2009 following the same logic above does not indicate any type of mathematical pattern. Not that it wasn't an alright year though. I was going to attempt to list some of the highs and lows like Laurel did (which I probably will), but I doubt my list will be as long. Hmmm, let's see...
2009:
1. Got my judging certification
2. Got 2nd in a competition for skating (against real competition, haha).
3. Went to Child Hood Best Friends Wedding
4. Went to Cuba
5. Went to cousin's wedding
6. Graduated from Bachelor of Education
7. Grandad passed away
8. Started Masters Program
9. Got an interview to medical school, but can't go. Ugh.
Yeah, that basically sums up 2009. Not too eventful. Goals and plans for 2010? I have learned to knit, so now to put that skill to some use. I am also planning on getting my next promotion for judging, and I also want to take some more fitness classes. Just trying to get through the year... we'll see where it takes me I guess.
2009:
1. Got my judging certification
2. Got 2nd in a competition for skating (against real competition, haha).
3. Went to Child Hood Best Friends Wedding
4. Went to Cuba
5. Went to cousin's wedding
6. Graduated from Bachelor of Education
7. Grandad passed away
8. Started Masters Program
9. Got an interview to medical school, but can't go. Ugh.
Yeah, that basically sums up 2009. Not too eventful. Goals and plans for 2010? I have learned to knit, so now to put that skill to some use. I am also planning on getting my next promotion for judging, and I also want to take some more fitness classes. Just trying to get through the year... we'll see where it takes me I guess.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Dreams= crash and burn?
I am so mad!!!!! I went from elated, to pissed, to even more pissed. I swear, if this next email comes back how I think it will, I may be flying to Vancouver to have an argument with someone. I can't even find a phone number to call to talk to an actual person! Backing up, here is the story.
So, I finally got an acceptance for an interview to medical school!!! Yippee!!! Except... I did acknowledge in my application that I am currently a grad student. Which is true. Apparently, in this case, in terms of acceptance and the interview, you have to fill out a grad progress report. This report gives you three options to choose from: a) My program (thesis, defence, exam, whatever, will be completed by June 30th, 2010) b) I am already completed my masters, I will send a transcript and c) I will not be done by June 30, 2010 and wish to WITHDRAW MY APPLICATION. WTF???? I won't be done, but there is no way I want to withdraw!!!!! Frick, how about I withdraw from the masters? What was supposed to be a good idea and a back up is quickly turning into my biggest nightmare.
All I want to do is cry, because I don't see a way around this. If I don't submit that section, I get my interview rescinded. The only section I am able to complete is the one that says "withdraw application". But I don't understand.... it's not as if I couldn't quit the program. Medicine is my dream, this was a strange backup. How logical is it that my "smart move" is turning into the obstacle now standing in my way? Was I supposed to not go back to school and pin my hopes on this illusive dream? And even if I drop the masters, what if I don't get into medical school? Again, pinning hopes. Why is this process so retarded?
So, I finally got an acceptance for an interview to medical school!!! Yippee!!! Except... I did acknowledge in my application that I am currently a grad student. Which is true. Apparently, in this case, in terms of acceptance and the interview, you have to fill out a grad progress report. This report gives you three options to choose from: a) My program (thesis, defence, exam, whatever, will be completed by June 30th, 2010) b) I am already completed my masters, I will send a transcript and c) I will not be done by June 30, 2010 and wish to WITHDRAW MY APPLICATION. WTF???? I won't be done, but there is no way I want to withdraw!!!!! Frick, how about I withdraw from the masters? What was supposed to be a good idea and a back up is quickly turning into my biggest nightmare.
All I want to do is cry, because I don't see a way around this. If I don't submit that section, I get my interview rescinded. The only section I am able to complete is the one that says "withdraw application". But I don't understand.... it's not as if I couldn't quit the program. Medicine is my dream, this was a strange backup. How logical is it that my "smart move" is turning into the obstacle now standing in my way? Was I supposed to not go back to school and pin my hopes on this illusive dream? And even if I drop the masters, what if I don't get into medical school? Again, pinning hopes. Why is this process so retarded?
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's... "
Well, I don't covet things. I have realized I covet "feelings". I covet experiences. How sad is that? Perhaps this comes from a sensation of loneliness, what with this feeling of isolation I feel in this program to an extend (I know, isolation in a counseling program who would have thunk it?). What do I mean by isolation? Well, I figured this program would be a little more exclusive than the Education program, and it is. But let me explain. Many of the people are part time, others have children/families/jobs. There are only about 4 of us who do not have either of these. And I am not sure that they are people I can form lasting friendships with. My close friends from the Education program are no longer in PG. And due to night classes I don't see my skaters as much either. So, I guess that leaves me sitting, thinking about others experiences, in terms of having someone to share just everyday things with. Just those thoughts that go through your head, good and bad. Anecdotal stories about this and that. Someone to give you a hug when you are upset or mad. Someone to laugh with. Someone to plan with.
I am jealous of those people who are teaching classes, because I want to be there. I am jealous of those people who can make plans for their future, secure in the knowledge that they have someone who will be there with them when they make them. I am jealous of the support they probably receive, and having someone to reassure you.
A friend today, and we were discussing happiness.To me, happiness is really not a simple thing. But I know it;s not about money, or prestige, or degrees. It's about contentment, joy, fulfillment, challenge, courage, love and laughter. How does one get here? Well, apparently I really have no idea. If I had to picture a scene where I was perfectly happy, it would probably be: "a fall Sunday afternoon, surrounded by family. I can picture bundles of leaves, a game of baseball or foxtail, with a huge family dinner." It sounds reminiscent of Thanksgiving, only in the picture I see children. I realize that to me happiness and contentment mean family. And if there is anyone farther away from this, it is probably me.
I am not saying that I want these things right away. But, and I have said it before, I don't see this as being a reality for me. The choices I make seem to take me farther from this reality. And I don't really know how to re-route myself to put myself in a place to acquire this "image". It is not a simple thing, and from where I sit it doesn't seem very plausible. So, instead, I covet.
I am jealous of those people who are teaching classes, because I want to be there. I am jealous of those people who can make plans for their future, secure in the knowledge that they have someone who will be there with them when they make them. I am jealous of the support they probably receive, and having someone to reassure you.
A friend today, and we were discussing happiness.To me, happiness is really not a simple thing. But I know it;s not about money, or prestige, or degrees. It's about contentment, joy, fulfillment, challenge, courage, love and laughter. How does one get here? Well, apparently I really have no idea. If I had to picture a scene where I was perfectly happy, it would probably be: "a fall Sunday afternoon, surrounded by family. I can picture bundles of leaves, a game of baseball or foxtail, with a huge family dinner." It sounds reminiscent of Thanksgiving, only in the picture I see children. I realize that to me happiness and contentment mean family. And if there is anyone farther away from this, it is probably me.
I am not saying that I want these things right away. But, and I have said it before, I don't see this as being a reality for me. The choices I make seem to take me farther from this reality. And I don't really know how to re-route myself to put myself in a place to acquire this "image". It is not a simple thing, and from where I sit it doesn't seem very plausible. So, instead, I covet.
Gestalt
I don't think I like Gestalt Therapy/theory. There is something about it that throws me off. I understand the idea of living in the present, but I don't know if I could spend every day in the present. Is there not a point where you have to think about the future? Where would everyone be if they just lived in the moment, without goals and ideas of where they were headed? I just don't see this as being something that I can relate to.
The other idea that I disagree with, to an extent, is the ideas of death. Gestalt therapists supposedly help you "come to terms" with death, so that death does not pose an anxiety. I have a really hard time with this. This is not something that I want to think about. Maybe it happens to be just the place where I am coming from in my life at this point, but I have been there (except not in the positive way that this supposedly is). One of the questions under the Gestalt section of our workbook (as a type of question that a GEstalt therapist would use) was "what would be written on your epitaph?" Really? I don't want to think/write about that. That leads to other ideas, like what your obit says, what people would say about you at your funeral... all the way to what picture would they use? I am not ready to think about that, so obviously I have some anxieties about death that are "abnormal" according to Gestalt.
They also do some crazy kind of role playing in Gestalt therapy that I could never see myself using or doing. It would just be... weird. And I just can't get off the death idea. I am not trying to sounds ominous, but really, I have tried to push those ideas out of my head, since the last time I had them was not a very good time in my life. To think of these ideas brings back other thoughts that I have dealt with, but that still impact me. I think that I really like the idea of counselors going to counseling, and I think this is something I am going to look into.
The other idea that I disagree with, to an extent, is the ideas of death. Gestalt therapists supposedly help you "come to terms" with death, so that death does not pose an anxiety. I have a really hard time with this. This is not something that I want to think about. Maybe it happens to be just the place where I am coming from in my life at this point, but I have been there (except not in the positive way that this supposedly is). One of the questions under the Gestalt section of our workbook (as a type of question that a GEstalt therapist would use) was "what would be written on your epitaph?" Really? I don't want to think/write about that. That leads to other ideas, like what your obit says, what people would say about you at your funeral... all the way to what picture would they use? I am not ready to think about that, so obviously I have some anxieties about death that are "abnormal" according to Gestalt.
They also do some crazy kind of role playing in Gestalt therapy that I could never see myself using or doing. It would just be... weird. And I just can't get off the death idea. I am not trying to sounds ominous, but really, I have tried to push those ideas out of my head, since the last time I had them was not a very good time in my life. To think of these ideas brings back other thoughts that I have dealt with, but that still impact me. I think that I really like the idea of counselors going to counseling, and I think this is something I am going to look into.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Stressin.
Oh dear... there is too much going on at the moment I think. As someone else put it "I am done with Drama". I hate drama. Skating is all about drama right now, and I am so fed up with it. I think that I need to make a call, and rid myself of this farce of a president situation. I feel like we are paying double the fees and getting half of what we need (and Kevin... which is like dealing with... well, you can fill that part in). The work is way more than I feel is appropriate at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the work. If I felt it was worth it. Right now I supposedly have 20 skaters, but only 2 ever respond to questions/requests. They want things, but they have no desire to help out to be able to have them. They seem super enthusiastic about ideas when it comes to be there at meetings, and as soon as we are gone it is a different story. I just don't think that this is a stress I need to shoulder alone, and if no one is really willing to step up and help, then I don't see how I can do it alone. But yet, it doesn't really suck. I am actually kind of excited about it. I still get to skate, if I want I can still compete... I just wouldn't have to deal with Kevin or get on anyone about money matters, etc. Seems kind of win/win... yet I still feel guilty about "letting the team down". I don't know....
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Adler
So, our group picked Alfred Adler's theory/psychotherapy to work with for a group project that is coming up here shortly. A component of this project includes a research paper on the actual theory. As I started my research I had a very basic understanding of Adler's ideas and beliefs (only what was mentioned in the text). I was sort of on the fence as to whether or not it was the kind of theory that I could use. However... as I started to read his theories, or more importantly his background ideas that led him from medicine to psychotherapy, the more impressed and astounded I became. His work in psychotherapy is really based around prevention (well, alright, not all of his work in psychotherapy. Mainly his beliefs about children are around prevention). The other thing I was really impressed with was his views on medicine: he was concerned with social medicine. He was concerned with educating the patients, educating the public, and more importantly, educating them on how to be protected from disease. I was so impressed by this statement: "Not to treat and cure sick children but to protect healthy children from sickness is the logical and noble challenge of the science of medicine". To me, this seems like such forward thinking! I wonder where our medical system would be today if prevention programs were implemented by governments, because I am sure that a lot of money that goes into health care, in terms of medicines/surgeries/etc, could have been saved, had prevention programs been in place. I hope that one day medicine will get there. I know that things are often slow (very slow) to change, but this just seems like a profitable (and a no-brainer) route.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Song therapy tool?
Okay, so as per my note from the other day... a song that describes how I feel right now- I guess not really about my life persay, but right this moment:
Alexithymia- Anberlin
"Are you where you thought'd you'd be...?"
This line really sticks out for me, because I keep thinking about this. I really question a lot whether I have made all of the right choices, even straight from the get-go. I keep focusing my self in one direction, and while I am sort of moving there, is it really where I thought I would be? OR where I want to be?
"It's not that we don't talk/It's just that no one really listens"
This line is just so true. I don't think people listen, because they miss all of the hidden messages that are constantly being sent. We think listening means hearing the words people speak. That is the narrowest definition of listening possible, and because it is what people do the most they don't ever really listen.
"There's more to living than being alive.."
Oh so true. "There is that edge, between success and significance. That subtle edge, between being the best in the world and being the best for the world.".
"Don't believe anything I say..."
I guess this comes back to the fact that I don't always feel (or rarely feel) that people listen. So as a result, I tell them what their ears want to hear. But usually that is never what I am saying.
Alexithymia- Anberlin
"Are you where you thought'd you'd be...?"
This line really sticks out for me, because I keep thinking about this. I really question a lot whether I have made all of the right choices, even straight from the get-go. I keep focusing my self in one direction, and while I am sort of moving there, is it really where I thought I would be? OR where I want to be?
"It's not that we don't talk/It's just that no one really listens"
This line is just so true. I don't think people listen, because they miss all of the hidden messages that are constantly being sent. We think listening means hearing the words people speak. That is the narrowest definition of listening possible, and because it is what people do the most they don't ever really listen.
"There's more to living than being alive.."
Oh so true. "There is that edge, between success and significance. That subtle edge, between being the best in the world and being the best for the world.".
"Don't believe anything I say..."
I guess this comes back to the fact that I don't always feel (or rarely feel) that people listen. So as a result, I tell them what their ears want to hear. But usually that is never what I am saying.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Quotes from "Celebrate What's Right With the World"- With Dewitt Jones
When I was growing up, I used to hold that maxim -- I won’t believe it, until I see it. Yet the more I shot for the Geographic the more I realized that I had it backwards. That the way it really works is -- I won’t see it, till I believe it. That’s the way life works.
But vision controls our perception, and our perception becomes our reality.
Nature was showing me incredible beauty standing just beyond the rat race saying “Hello, Hello…” Always there if I was open enough to see it.
Do we choose to see those possibilities? Do we truly believe that they’re there? Perception controls our reality and if we don’t believe it, we won’t see it.
And I was just about to leave when a little voice inside me said, “Come on, Dewitt, what’s here to celebrate? I know it wasn’t how you planned it, but what’s right with the situation? Where are the possibilities?”
A vision that showed me that no matter how bleak and desolate, no matter how dry and devoid of possibilities the situation might seem,
that if I was open to it... I could always find a perspective. In this case just by dropping down in that crack in the slick rock, and looking back. A perspective that would transform the ordinary …
into the extraordinary.
Because, by celebrating the best -- that allows us to fall in love with it, that connects us with our passion, that emancipates the energy.
By celebrating what’s right, we find the energy to fix what’s wrong.
Because, by celebrating the best -- that allows us to fall in love with it, that connects us with our passion, that emancipates the energy.
By celebrating what’s right, we find the energy to fix what’s wrong.
The power of vision is extraordinary. It transforms the way we look at the world. It can take us from flapping in the middle of the flock to soaring to heights we never dreamed of. But we have to be willing to trust it, to come out to our edge.
And it’s not just the external edges that we have to test; it’s the internal ones as well. If we’re going to really learn to soar, we have to know ourselves as well as we know our craft.
I realized that if I was going to take it higher in my own life, I had to spend time not just with what I do, but with who I am.
That’s a lot harder; at least it was for me. Discovering who I was and being comfortable with it- a lot harder than taking a photograph.
And yet, I knew that was the move from good frame to great frame. That was the edge I’d have to press. That edge in each of our lives between success and significance. That subtle edge between being the best in the world and being the best for the world.
But vision controls our perception, and our perception becomes our reality.
Nature was showing me incredible beauty standing just beyond the rat race saying “Hello, Hello…” Always there if I was open enough to see it.
Do we choose to see those possibilities? Do we truly believe that they’re there? Perception controls our reality and if we don’t believe it, we won’t see it.
And I was just about to leave when a little voice inside me said, “Come on, Dewitt, what’s here to celebrate? I know it wasn’t how you planned it, but what’s right with the situation? Where are the possibilities?”
A vision that showed me that no matter how bleak and desolate, no matter how dry and devoid of possibilities the situation might seem,
that if I was open to it... I could always find a perspective. In this case just by dropping down in that crack in the slick rock, and looking back. A perspective that would transform the ordinary …
into the extraordinary.
Because, by celebrating the best -- that allows us to fall in love with it, that connects us with our passion, that emancipates the energy.
By celebrating what’s right, we find the energy to fix what’s wrong.
Because, by celebrating the best -- that allows us to fall in love with it, that connects us with our passion, that emancipates the energy.
By celebrating what’s right, we find the energy to fix what’s wrong.
The power of vision is extraordinary. It transforms the way we look at the world. It can take us from flapping in the middle of the flock to soaring to heights we never dreamed of. But we have to be willing to trust it, to come out to our edge.
And it’s not just the external edges that we have to test; it’s the internal ones as well. If we’re going to really learn to soar, we have to know ourselves as well as we know our craft.
I realized that if I was going to take it higher in my own life, I had to spend time not just with what I do, but with who I am.
That’s a lot harder; at least it was for me. Discovering who I was and being comfortable with it- a lot harder than taking a photograph.
And yet, I knew that was the move from good frame to great frame. That was the edge I’d have to press. That edge in each of our lives between success and significance. That subtle edge between being the best in the world and being the best for the world.
An experiment
I was reading about existential therapy the other day, and combining that with Adlerian, basically you can use a variety of techniques to help people realize their goals in life, whether those goals are known at the moment or not. So I was thinking of ways in which you might be able to have people connect with those wants and desires, if it is not apparent to them. So here is my idea, let me know if it makes sense to you. (Try it out too if you want, it might have been done already, whatever...)
It has no name at the moment. I shall have to google it, because chances are this is plagiarism.
Take your current play list. Choose one song that believe speaks to your life as you see it at the moment. Describe the connections you see/feel in this song. Identify any feelings of contentment, joy, distress, hurt, etc. that this song makes you feel.
Next, from your play list choose another song. This time choose a song that stimulates emotions/actions you would like to feel. Identify these for yourself. Try to find a song that speaks to you, but one which you have no personal stories to infer when listening to the song. Analyze what it is you think this song means to you- why did you choose this song to represent a "want"? What does that indicate to you? Once you have analyzed why you picked the song, then you can begin looking at the component you think you are missing, or have not yet realized and you can begin setting goals to reach this place.
This might not make much sense. It makes sense in my head. I think it would make more sense if someone was guiding you through questions, which is kind of my intent. I think this would be kind of good for adolescents. That way they can talk about emotions through a different venue (music) as opposed to having to be exposed themselves. They can use someone elses words to help them find their own. Ideas?
It has no name at the moment. I shall have to google it, because chances are this is plagiarism.
Take your current play list. Choose one song that believe speaks to your life as you see it at the moment. Describe the connections you see/feel in this song. Identify any feelings of contentment, joy, distress, hurt, etc. that this song makes you feel.
Next, from your play list choose another song. This time choose a song that stimulates emotions/actions you would like to feel. Identify these for yourself. Try to find a song that speaks to you, but one which you have no personal stories to infer when listening to the song. Analyze what it is you think this song means to you- why did you choose this song to represent a "want"? What does that indicate to you? Once you have analyzed why you picked the song, then you can begin looking at the component you think you are missing, or have not yet realized and you can begin setting goals to reach this place.
This might not make much sense. It makes sense in my head. I think it would make more sense if someone was guiding you through questions, which is kind of my intent. I think this would be kind of good for adolescents. That way they can talk about emotions through a different venue (music) as opposed to having to be exposed themselves. They can use someone elses words to help them find their own. Ideas?
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Regional Council
This weekend at Regional Council I had an amazing time! Wow, it is so inspiring when people with a common goal come together and share stories/experience/goals. I guess I should mention what regional council is- it is where a variety of delegates from the Northern Region of the Canadian Cancer Society BC/Y division come to PG and we talk about successes of the last year, and the new ideas coming for the following year. I was really fortunate to meet (for the second time) Dr. Carolyn Gotay, who is the director of the Prevention and Wellness program at UBC. I basically love her job, and think she probably has the greatest job ever. She gave the keynote address yesterday, and now I have even more ideas on some really fantastic masters projects/research (just what I needed, more choices to debate!).
It was such an incredible weekend, listening to how these people in the room have inspired their communities and made such a difference. We had a little girl in PG be a team captain at relay for life, and she single handedly raised over 3,000 dollars last year for the relay. She is 10 years old!!! It was also really cool, because our Prince George unit (specifically the Prevention Team, Emergency Aid and Support Services) were recognized for our leadership. That was really awesome for us, and set us up for this year. Our prevention team had generally worked under the direct supervision of the staff member for the region, since the staff members and their office is located in Prince George. However, this year we will be completely on our own! (Kind of like all of the other units- however our team takes on a lot more projects and challenges than other units). So this year we are all alone in our endeavors- our Fearless Leader is off on maternity leave! We are very much going to miss her... but it is kind of exciting to be in such a worthwhile leadership role. Our team has been broken down into "sub-areas", with each major task being headed up by a different team leader. And yours truly just gets to over see all of these leaders and be their go-to person. I guess I would be the "top" team leader. Essentially I have what seems to be a big job, but I don't think it will be too strenuous, as this group of people are all very capable and dedicated.
No idea where this blog was going, because it isn't what I started out blogging about... need a new blog for that one. But I guess I just wanted to get down my feelings of excitement, nervousness and joy from the following weekend. Wish us luck for the future year! Let's hope we can make Megan proud when she gets back haha!
It was such an incredible weekend, listening to how these people in the room have inspired their communities and made such a difference. We had a little girl in PG be a team captain at relay for life, and she single handedly raised over 3,000 dollars last year for the relay. She is 10 years old!!! It was also really cool, because our Prince George unit (specifically the Prevention Team, Emergency Aid and Support Services) were recognized for our leadership. That was really awesome for us, and set us up for this year. Our prevention team had generally worked under the direct supervision of the staff member for the region, since the staff members and their office is located in Prince George. However, this year we will be completely on our own! (Kind of like all of the other units- however our team takes on a lot more projects and challenges than other units). So this year we are all alone in our endeavors- our Fearless Leader is off on maternity leave! We are very much going to miss her... but it is kind of exciting to be in such a worthwhile leadership role. Our team has been broken down into "sub-areas", with each major task being headed up by a different team leader. And yours truly just gets to over see all of these leaders and be their go-to person. I guess I would be the "top" team leader. Essentially I have what seems to be a big job, but I don't think it will be too strenuous, as this group of people are all very capable and dedicated.
No idea where this blog was going, because it isn't what I started out blogging about... need a new blog for that one. But I guess I just wanted to get down my feelings of excitement, nervousness and joy from the following weekend. Wish us luck for the future year! Let's hope we can make Megan proud when she gets back haha!
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