Well, I don't covet things. I have realized I covet "feelings". I covet experiences. How sad is that? Perhaps this comes from a sensation of loneliness, what with this feeling of isolation I feel in this program to an extend (I know, isolation in a counseling program who would have thunk it?). What do I mean by isolation? Well, I figured this program would be a little more exclusive than the Education program, and it is. But let me explain. Many of the people are part time, others have children/families/jobs. There are only about 4 of us who do not have either of these. And I am not sure that they are people I can form lasting friendships with. My close friends from the Education program are no longer in PG. And due to night classes I don't see my skaters as much either. So, I guess that leaves me sitting, thinking about others experiences, in terms of having someone to share just everyday things with. Just those thoughts that go through your head, good and bad. Anecdotal stories about this and that. Someone to give you a hug when you are upset or mad. Someone to laugh with. Someone to plan with.
I am jealous of those people who are teaching classes, because I want to be there. I am jealous of those people who can make plans for their future, secure in the knowledge that they have someone who will be there with them when they make them. I am jealous of the support they probably receive, and having someone to reassure you.
A friend today, and we were discussing happiness.To me, happiness is really not a simple thing. But I know it;s not about money, or prestige, or degrees. It's about contentment, joy, fulfillment, challenge, courage, love and laughter. How does one get here? Well, apparently I really have no idea. If I had to picture a scene where I was perfectly happy, it would probably be: "a fall Sunday afternoon, surrounded by family. I can picture bundles of leaves, a game of baseball or foxtail, with a huge family dinner." It sounds reminiscent of Thanksgiving, only in the picture I see children. I realize that to me happiness and contentment mean family. And if there is anyone farther away from this, it is probably me.
I am not saying that I want these things right away. But, and I have said it before, I don't see this as being a reality for me. The choices I make seem to take me farther from this reality. And I don't really know how to re-route myself to put myself in a place to acquire this "image". It is not a simple thing, and from where I sit it doesn't seem very plausible. So, instead, I covet.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Gestalt
I don't think I like Gestalt Therapy/theory. There is something about it that throws me off. I understand the idea of living in the present, but I don't know if I could spend every day in the present. Is there not a point where you have to think about the future? Where would everyone be if they just lived in the moment, without goals and ideas of where they were headed? I just don't see this as being something that I can relate to.
The other idea that I disagree with, to an extent, is the ideas of death. Gestalt therapists supposedly help you "come to terms" with death, so that death does not pose an anxiety. I have a really hard time with this. This is not something that I want to think about. Maybe it happens to be just the place where I am coming from in my life at this point, but I have been there (except not in the positive way that this supposedly is). One of the questions under the Gestalt section of our workbook (as a type of question that a GEstalt therapist would use) was "what would be written on your epitaph?" Really? I don't want to think/write about that. That leads to other ideas, like what your obit says, what people would say about you at your funeral... all the way to what picture would they use? I am not ready to think about that, so obviously I have some anxieties about death that are "abnormal" according to Gestalt.
They also do some crazy kind of role playing in Gestalt therapy that I could never see myself using or doing. It would just be... weird. And I just can't get off the death idea. I am not trying to sounds ominous, but really, I have tried to push those ideas out of my head, since the last time I had them was not a very good time in my life. To think of these ideas brings back other thoughts that I have dealt with, but that still impact me. I think that I really like the idea of counselors going to counseling, and I think this is something I am going to look into.
The other idea that I disagree with, to an extent, is the ideas of death. Gestalt therapists supposedly help you "come to terms" with death, so that death does not pose an anxiety. I have a really hard time with this. This is not something that I want to think about. Maybe it happens to be just the place where I am coming from in my life at this point, but I have been there (except not in the positive way that this supposedly is). One of the questions under the Gestalt section of our workbook (as a type of question that a GEstalt therapist would use) was "what would be written on your epitaph?" Really? I don't want to think/write about that. That leads to other ideas, like what your obit says, what people would say about you at your funeral... all the way to what picture would they use? I am not ready to think about that, so obviously I have some anxieties about death that are "abnormal" according to Gestalt.
They also do some crazy kind of role playing in Gestalt therapy that I could never see myself using or doing. It would just be... weird. And I just can't get off the death idea. I am not trying to sounds ominous, but really, I have tried to push those ideas out of my head, since the last time I had them was not a very good time in my life. To think of these ideas brings back other thoughts that I have dealt with, but that still impact me. I think that I really like the idea of counselors going to counseling, and I think this is something I am going to look into.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Stressin.
Oh dear... there is too much going on at the moment I think. As someone else put it "I am done with Drama". I hate drama. Skating is all about drama right now, and I am so fed up with it. I think that I need to make a call, and rid myself of this farce of a president situation. I feel like we are paying double the fees and getting half of what we need (and Kevin... which is like dealing with... well, you can fill that part in). The work is way more than I feel is appropriate at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the work. If I felt it was worth it. Right now I supposedly have 20 skaters, but only 2 ever respond to questions/requests. They want things, but they have no desire to help out to be able to have them. They seem super enthusiastic about ideas when it comes to be there at meetings, and as soon as we are gone it is a different story. I just don't think that this is a stress I need to shoulder alone, and if no one is really willing to step up and help, then I don't see how I can do it alone. But yet, it doesn't really suck. I am actually kind of excited about it. I still get to skate, if I want I can still compete... I just wouldn't have to deal with Kevin or get on anyone about money matters, etc. Seems kind of win/win... yet I still feel guilty about "letting the team down". I don't know....
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Adler
So, our group picked Alfred Adler's theory/psychotherapy to work with for a group project that is coming up here shortly. A component of this project includes a research paper on the actual theory. As I started my research I had a very basic understanding of Adler's ideas and beliefs (only what was mentioned in the text). I was sort of on the fence as to whether or not it was the kind of theory that I could use. However... as I started to read his theories, or more importantly his background ideas that led him from medicine to psychotherapy, the more impressed and astounded I became. His work in psychotherapy is really based around prevention (well, alright, not all of his work in psychotherapy. Mainly his beliefs about children are around prevention). The other thing I was really impressed with was his views on medicine: he was concerned with social medicine. He was concerned with educating the patients, educating the public, and more importantly, educating them on how to be protected from disease. I was so impressed by this statement: "Not to treat and cure sick children but to protect healthy children from sickness is the logical and noble challenge of the science of medicine". To me, this seems like such forward thinking! I wonder where our medical system would be today if prevention programs were implemented by governments, because I am sure that a lot of money that goes into health care, in terms of medicines/surgeries/etc, could have been saved, had prevention programs been in place. I hope that one day medicine will get there. I know that things are often slow (very slow) to change, but this just seems like a profitable (and a no-brainer) route.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Song therapy tool?
Okay, so as per my note from the other day... a song that describes how I feel right now- I guess not really about my life persay, but right this moment:
Alexithymia- Anberlin
"Are you where you thought'd you'd be...?"
This line really sticks out for me, because I keep thinking about this. I really question a lot whether I have made all of the right choices, even straight from the get-go. I keep focusing my self in one direction, and while I am sort of moving there, is it really where I thought I would be? OR where I want to be?
"It's not that we don't talk/It's just that no one really listens"
This line is just so true. I don't think people listen, because they miss all of the hidden messages that are constantly being sent. We think listening means hearing the words people speak. That is the narrowest definition of listening possible, and because it is what people do the most they don't ever really listen.
"There's more to living than being alive.."
Oh so true. "There is that edge, between success and significance. That subtle edge, between being the best in the world and being the best for the world.".
"Don't believe anything I say..."
I guess this comes back to the fact that I don't always feel (or rarely feel) that people listen. So as a result, I tell them what their ears want to hear. But usually that is never what I am saying.
Alexithymia- Anberlin
"Are you where you thought'd you'd be...?"
This line really sticks out for me, because I keep thinking about this. I really question a lot whether I have made all of the right choices, even straight from the get-go. I keep focusing my self in one direction, and while I am sort of moving there, is it really where I thought I would be? OR where I want to be?
"It's not that we don't talk/It's just that no one really listens"
This line is just so true. I don't think people listen, because they miss all of the hidden messages that are constantly being sent. We think listening means hearing the words people speak. That is the narrowest definition of listening possible, and because it is what people do the most they don't ever really listen.
"There's more to living than being alive.."
Oh so true. "There is that edge, between success and significance. That subtle edge, between being the best in the world and being the best for the world.".
"Don't believe anything I say..."
I guess this comes back to the fact that I don't always feel (or rarely feel) that people listen. So as a result, I tell them what their ears want to hear. But usually that is never what I am saying.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Quotes from "Celebrate What's Right With the World"- With Dewitt Jones
When I was growing up, I used to hold that maxim -- I won’t believe it, until I see it. Yet the more I shot for the Geographic the more I realized that I had it backwards. That the way it really works is -- I won’t see it, till I believe it. That’s the way life works.
But vision controls our perception, and our perception becomes our reality.
Nature was showing me incredible beauty standing just beyond the rat race saying “Hello, Hello…” Always there if I was open enough to see it.
Do we choose to see those possibilities? Do we truly believe that they’re there? Perception controls our reality and if we don’t believe it, we won’t see it.
And I was just about to leave when a little voice inside me said, “Come on, Dewitt, what’s here to celebrate? I know it wasn’t how you planned it, but what’s right with the situation? Where are the possibilities?”
A vision that showed me that no matter how bleak and desolate, no matter how dry and devoid of possibilities the situation might seem,
that if I was open to it... I could always find a perspective. In this case just by dropping down in that crack in the slick rock, and looking back. A perspective that would transform the ordinary …
into the extraordinary.
Because, by celebrating the best -- that allows us to fall in love with it, that connects us with our passion, that emancipates the energy.
By celebrating what’s right, we find the energy to fix what’s wrong.
Because, by celebrating the best -- that allows us to fall in love with it, that connects us with our passion, that emancipates the energy.
By celebrating what’s right, we find the energy to fix what’s wrong.
The power of vision is extraordinary. It transforms the way we look at the world. It can take us from flapping in the middle of the flock to soaring to heights we never dreamed of. But we have to be willing to trust it, to come out to our edge.
And it’s not just the external edges that we have to test; it’s the internal ones as well. If we’re going to really learn to soar, we have to know ourselves as well as we know our craft.
I realized that if I was going to take it higher in my own life, I had to spend time not just with what I do, but with who I am.
That’s a lot harder; at least it was for me. Discovering who I was and being comfortable with it- a lot harder than taking a photograph.
And yet, I knew that was the move from good frame to great frame. That was the edge I’d have to press. That edge in each of our lives between success and significance. That subtle edge between being the best in the world and being the best for the world.
But vision controls our perception, and our perception becomes our reality.
Nature was showing me incredible beauty standing just beyond the rat race saying “Hello, Hello…” Always there if I was open enough to see it.
Do we choose to see those possibilities? Do we truly believe that they’re there? Perception controls our reality and if we don’t believe it, we won’t see it.
And I was just about to leave when a little voice inside me said, “Come on, Dewitt, what’s here to celebrate? I know it wasn’t how you planned it, but what’s right with the situation? Where are the possibilities?”
A vision that showed me that no matter how bleak and desolate, no matter how dry and devoid of possibilities the situation might seem,
that if I was open to it... I could always find a perspective. In this case just by dropping down in that crack in the slick rock, and looking back. A perspective that would transform the ordinary …
into the extraordinary.
Because, by celebrating the best -- that allows us to fall in love with it, that connects us with our passion, that emancipates the energy.
By celebrating what’s right, we find the energy to fix what’s wrong.
Because, by celebrating the best -- that allows us to fall in love with it, that connects us with our passion, that emancipates the energy.
By celebrating what’s right, we find the energy to fix what’s wrong.
The power of vision is extraordinary. It transforms the way we look at the world. It can take us from flapping in the middle of the flock to soaring to heights we never dreamed of. But we have to be willing to trust it, to come out to our edge.
And it’s not just the external edges that we have to test; it’s the internal ones as well. If we’re going to really learn to soar, we have to know ourselves as well as we know our craft.
I realized that if I was going to take it higher in my own life, I had to spend time not just with what I do, but with who I am.
That’s a lot harder; at least it was for me. Discovering who I was and being comfortable with it- a lot harder than taking a photograph.
And yet, I knew that was the move from good frame to great frame. That was the edge I’d have to press. That edge in each of our lives between success and significance. That subtle edge between being the best in the world and being the best for the world.
An experiment
I was reading about existential therapy the other day, and combining that with Adlerian, basically you can use a variety of techniques to help people realize their goals in life, whether those goals are known at the moment or not. So I was thinking of ways in which you might be able to have people connect with those wants and desires, if it is not apparent to them. So here is my idea, let me know if it makes sense to you. (Try it out too if you want, it might have been done already, whatever...)
It has no name at the moment. I shall have to google it, because chances are this is plagiarism.
Take your current play list. Choose one song that believe speaks to your life as you see it at the moment. Describe the connections you see/feel in this song. Identify any feelings of contentment, joy, distress, hurt, etc. that this song makes you feel.
Next, from your play list choose another song. This time choose a song that stimulates emotions/actions you would like to feel. Identify these for yourself. Try to find a song that speaks to you, but one which you have no personal stories to infer when listening to the song. Analyze what it is you think this song means to you- why did you choose this song to represent a "want"? What does that indicate to you? Once you have analyzed why you picked the song, then you can begin looking at the component you think you are missing, or have not yet realized and you can begin setting goals to reach this place.
This might not make much sense. It makes sense in my head. I think it would make more sense if someone was guiding you through questions, which is kind of my intent. I think this would be kind of good for adolescents. That way they can talk about emotions through a different venue (music) as opposed to having to be exposed themselves. They can use someone elses words to help them find their own. Ideas?
It has no name at the moment. I shall have to google it, because chances are this is plagiarism.
Take your current play list. Choose one song that believe speaks to your life as you see it at the moment. Describe the connections you see/feel in this song. Identify any feelings of contentment, joy, distress, hurt, etc. that this song makes you feel.
Next, from your play list choose another song. This time choose a song that stimulates emotions/actions you would like to feel. Identify these for yourself. Try to find a song that speaks to you, but one which you have no personal stories to infer when listening to the song. Analyze what it is you think this song means to you- why did you choose this song to represent a "want"? What does that indicate to you? Once you have analyzed why you picked the song, then you can begin looking at the component you think you are missing, or have not yet realized and you can begin setting goals to reach this place.
This might not make much sense. It makes sense in my head. I think it would make more sense if someone was guiding you through questions, which is kind of my intent. I think this would be kind of good for adolescents. That way they can talk about emotions through a different venue (music) as opposed to having to be exposed themselves. They can use someone elses words to help them find their own. Ideas?
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