"One Girl Revolution"
Raise your hand if you don't care
What those platinum girls wear
Raise your hand if you're just here
To have a good time
Raise your hand if your lipstick
Doesn't make you a dumb chick
Raise your hand if the shape of your hips
Don't compare to the shape of your mind
You don't even stand a chance
I'm not taking off my pants
I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm not a barbie doll, shopping mall, silicone substitution
I thought I told ya
I'm a soldier
And I'm not leaving til the battle's over
One girl revolution
Raise your hand if you're smart, girls
More than pushups and pearls
Let 'em stare at our pictures, baby
While we take over the world
Raise your hand if you're not another carbon copy wannabe like everybody else
Raise your hand if you've got something more to say
I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm not a perfect ten, paper thin, Hollywood illusion
I thought I told ya
I'm a soldier
And I'm not leaving til the party's over
One girl revolution
What are we selling, our brains or our belly buttons?
What are you buying, don't you know that they're lying?
What are you cryin' about, don't just sit there and wait while they're selling us out!
You don't even stand a chance
I'm not taking off my pants
I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm not the girl next door anymore
Baby I'm an institution
I thought I told ya
Don't wanna know ya
Pack your bags, baby, cuz this army's taking over
I'm here to start a one girl revolution
I'm the kind of chick that leaves you cryin for your mother
Keep on looking if you're looking for a cookie cutter
Monday, February 15, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Group Therapy
Okay, so while I don't really enjoy going to group therapy (I find it interesting, but I am not one to share a lot of personal stuff, so even personal growth in a group is very difficult), I can see some benefits. I had said at one point that my personal goal was going to be "confidence". Let me explain.
I think on the surface I come across as confident. However, inside I often feel very differently. I am actually just a very good actor. I second guess most things, worry about what people are thinking, and constantly doubt my ability to do something. So I have been working on my self talk (like the good CBTist that I am). And there are actually a couple of places where I can see this beginning to take effect.
The last two weeks I have been conscious of my talk, and when it starts to occur I look for exceptions and repeat the exceptions. So, when I have been doing my counseling tapes I actually have felt in control, and I have felt like I know what I am doing, and apparently it has come across to both my prof and my clients. The other area I see it working in is my skating. The last two weeks I have had consistently good skates every time out. Generally Wednesday's would be the "bad day". For no other reason except that it was Wednesday. And yet, as soon as I was able to do an axel (the jump I have refused to do for the last year and a half, for no other reason than it scares the s$%# out of me), things have changed. I showed up to the rink one friday and decided I was going to do an axel. I did... and the rest as they say is history. I will now do an axel every session, and I think the fact that I have conquered that stupid "fear" has really made a difference to the rest of my jumps to, because I have the confidence back in them.
Now if I could only be as confident about my personal life, I would be set.
I think on the surface I come across as confident. However, inside I often feel very differently. I am actually just a very good actor. I second guess most things, worry about what people are thinking, and constantly doubt my ability to do something. So I have been working on my self talk (like the good CBTist that I am). And there are actually a couple of places where I can see this beginning to take effect.
The last two weeks I have been conscious of my talk, and when it starts to occur I look for exceptions and repeat the exceptions. So, when I have been doing my counseling tapes I actually have felt in control, and I have felt like I know what I am doing, and apparently it has come across to both my prof and my clients. The other area I see it working in is my skating. The last two weeks I have had consistently good skates every time out. Generally Wednesday's would be the "bad day". For no other reason except that it was Wednesday. And yet, as soon as I was able to do an axel (the jump I have refused to do for the last year and a half, for no other reason than it scares the s$%# out of me), things have changed. I showed up to the rink one friday and decided I was going to do an axel. I did... and the rest as they say is history. I will now do an axel every session, and I think the fact that I have conquered that stupid "fear" has really made a difference to the rest of my jumps to, because I have the confidence back in them.
Now if I could only be as confident about my personal life, I would be set.
Friday, January 29, 2010
One Day You Will- Lady Antebellum
"One Day You Will"
You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now
[Chorus]
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet
[Repeat Chorus]
Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of
[Repeat Chorus]
One day you will
Oh one day you will
You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now
[Chorus]
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet
[Repeat Chorus]
Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of
[Repeat Chorus]
One day you will
Oh one day you will
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Better Day- Saving Jane
I have been asleep so long now
All locked up without a key
I have tapped my feet impatient
For a change to come to me
I've been hanging my hair
Outside this tower
Waiting for a savior
When all along I had the power to save myself
And I can tell
It's gonna be a better day
I think I'm gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It's alright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can't take what's mine
I've been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It's gonna be a better day
Every princess has a castle
Some kind of honor to defend
I would rather fight my battles
Than hide behind a thousand men
I've been hanging my hair
Outside of this tower
Waiting for a savior
When all along, I had the power to save myself
And I can tell
It's gonna be a better day
I think I'm gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It's alright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can't take what's mine
I've been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It's gonna be a better day
I gotta make my own luck
I gotta find my own way
I gotta see that there is more to life than just existing
I wanna be living
It's gonna be a better day
I think I'm gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It's alright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can't take what's mine
I've been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It's gonna be a better day
All locked up without a key
I have tapped my feet impatient
For a change to come to me
I've been hanging my hair
Outside this tower
Waiting for a savior
When all along I had the power to save myself
And I can tell
It's gonna be a better day
I think I'm gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It's alright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can't take what's mine
I've been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It's gonna be a better day
Every princess has a castle
Some kind of honor to defend
I would rather fight my battles
Than hide behind a thousand men
I've been hanging my hair
Outside of this tower
Waiting for a savior
When all along, I had the power to save myself
And I can tell
It's gonna be a better day
I think I'm gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It's alright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can't take what's mine
I've been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It's gonna be a better day
I gotta make my own luck
I gotta find my own way
I gotta see that there is more to life than just existing
I wanna be living
It's gonna be a better day
I think I'm gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It's alright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can't take what's mine
I've been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It's gonna be a better day
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Semester #2 - OMG (plus Medicating Rant)
Jesus. Okay, probably shouldn't swear, but not sure how else to express all of these emotions. 4 classes would sound not so bad... I mean, there were 5 classes a semester throughout all of undergrad. But here apparently 4 course is like chaos! I am so overwhelmed at this point, and it is only week 1. I am not sure how I am going to get through all of this. And I am serious.
Okay, maybe not super serious, and perhaps this is all brought on by the fact that as I sit here and I write I am pissed off. I was really excited for abnormal, thinking maybe it might take me back to my bio roots. Wrong. I think it makes it especially hard because there are people in the class who disregard the medical model, but the way they talk sounds awfully naive to me. I had to sit in class tonight and listen to a girl (who I consider an almost-friend) bash doctors (which actually had no relation to what we were talking about at all) for almost 15 minutes. This all based on an experience she personally had. The funny part is that I had the EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE (same drug, everything) and an opposite experience. So this impassioned speech dissing both doctors and medicine for psychopathological diseases was completely biased, but when you tried to interject all you got was resentment and hostility. UGH. I understand that the medical profession has a lot of pitfalls and a lot of negative connotations associated with it. So does counseling people! One is not better than the other, and it all boils down to education. Education in my opinion for the patient. Ultimately, it is there choice. However, when someone (say a counselor) is so biased and prejudiced that they can't objectively help educate a "patient" on their options, isn't that just as unethical as what doctors sometimes do when they prescribe without educating?
Maybe I am prejudiced and don't believe that all problems can be solved by "talking". If you understand the human body, and the complexities associated with hormones and the functioning of the organs and systems based on the triggers associated with those hormones, I don't think that there is any possible way you could NOT be a proponent for medicating in certain instances. Agreed, it is over used and over done in a lot of cases, and given out when it is not needed. Be conservative, okay. I can understand that. But unless you understand the biochemistry and the work that goes into researching those medications, do not tell me that they are "not tested properly", etc etc. Bullshit. Yes there are dangers. Yes, your doctor should inform you of risks. He didn't? That sucks. But you cannot base your judgment of "medicating" based on your one single experience.
Okay, I feel a little better now. Still overwhelmed with all of this homework. Perhaps in my next blog I will list all of my assignments, give an understanding of the hell I am in for. Ugh.
Okay, maybe not super serious, and perhaps this is all brought on by the fact that as I sit here and I write I am pissed off. I was really excited for abnormal, thinking maybe it might take me back to my bio roots. Wrong. I think it makes it especially hard because there are people in the class who disregard the medical model, but the way they talk sounds awfully naive to me. I had to sit in class tonight and listen to a girl (who I consider an almost-friend) bash doctors (which actually had no relation to what we were talking about at all) for almost 15 minutes. This all based on an experience she personally had. The funny part is that I had the EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE (same drug, everything) and an opposite experience. So this impassioned speech dissing both doctors and medicine for psychopathological diseases was completely biased, but when you tried to interject all you got was resentment and hostility. UGH. I understand that the medical profession has a lot of pitfalls and a lot of negative connotations associated with it. So does counseling people! One is not better than the other, and it all boils down to education. Education in my opinion for the patient. Ultimately, it is there choice. However, when someone (say a counselor) is so biased and prejudiced that they can't objectively help educate a "patient" on their options, isn't that just as unethical as what doctors sometimes do when they prescribe without educating?
Maybe I am prejudiced and don't believe that all problems can be solved by "talking". If you understand the human body, and the complexities associated with hormones and the functioning of the organs and systems based on the triggers associated with those hormones, I don't think that there is any possible way you could NOT be a proponent for medicating in certain instances. Agreed, it is over used and over done in a lot of cases, and given out when it is not needed. Be conservative, okay. I can understand that. But unless you understand the biochemistry and the work that goes into researching those medications, do not tell me that they are "not tested properly", etc etc. Bullshit. Yes there are dangers. Yes, your doctor should inform you of risks. He didn't? That sucks. But you cannot base your judgment of "medicating" based on your one single experience.
Okay, I feel a little better now. Still overwhelmed with all of this homework. Perhaps in my next blog I will list all of my assignments, give an understanding of the hell I am in for. Ugh.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
New Year- 2010
Well, to start off with I should point out that the year 2010 promises to be alright, based on my numeric OCD and strange patterns. 20 and 10 are both multiples of 5 (my favorite number), and 20 is 10 doubled (multiples of 2 are also good numbers and- 1 goes into 2 twice, 10 goes into 20 twice, if you divide 10 by 5 it gives you two, divide 20 by 5 gives you 4, 4 divided by 2 is 2.... see what I am getting at?). 2009 following the same logic above does not indicate any type of mathematical pattern. Not that it wasn't an alright year though. I was going to attempt to list some of the highs and lows like Laurel did (which I probably will), but I doubt my list will be as long. Hmmm, let's see...
2009:
1. Got my judging certification
2. Got 2nd in a competition for skating (against real competition, haha).
3. Went to Child Hood Best Friends Wedding
4. Went to Cuba
5. Went to cousin's wedding
6. Graduated from Bachelor of Education
7. Grandad passed away
8. Started Masters Program
9. Got an interview to medical school, but can't go. Ugh.
Yeah, that basically sums up 2009. Not too eventful. Goals and plans for 2010? I have learned to knit, so now to put that skill to some use. I am also planning on getting my next promotion for judging, and I also want to take some more fitness classes. Just trying to get through the year... we'll see where it takes me I guess.
2009:
1. Got my judging certification
2. Got 2nd in a competition for skating (against real competition, haha).
3. Went to Child Hood Best Friends Wedding
4. Went to Cuba
5. Went to cousin's wedding
6. Graduated from Bachelor of Education
7. Grandad passed away
8. Started Masters Program
9. Got an interview to medical school, but can't go. Ugh.
Yeah, that basically sums up 2009. Not too eventful. Goals and plans for 2010? I have learned to knit, so now to put that skill to some use. I am also planning on getting my next promotion for judging, and I also want to take some more fitness classes. Just trying to get through the year... we'll see where it takes me I guess.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Dreams= crash and burn?
I am so mad!!!!! I went from elated, to pissed, to even more pissed. I swear, if this next email comes back how I think it will, I may be flying to Vancouver to have an argument with someone. I can't even find a phone number to call to talk to an actual person! Backing up, here is the story.
So, I finally got an acceptance for an interview to medical school!!! Yippee!!! Except... I did acknowledge in my application that I am currently a grad student. Which is true. Apparently, in this case, in terms of acceptance and the interview, you have to fill out a grad progress report. This report gives you three options to choose from: a) My program (thesis, defence, exam, whatever, will be completed by June 30th, 2010) b) I am already completed my masters, I will send a transcript and c) I will not be done by June 30, 2010 and wish to WITHDRAW MY APPLICATION. WTF???? I won't be done, but there is no way I want to withdraw!!!!! Frick, how about I withdraw from the masters? What was supposed to be a good idea and a back up is quickly turning into my biggest nightmare.
All I want to do is cry, because I don't see a way around this. If I don't submit that section, I get my interview rescinded. The only section I am able to complete is the one that says "withdraw application". But I don't understand.... it's not as if I couldn't quit the program. Medicine is my dream, this was a strange backup. How logical is it that my "smart move" is turning into the obstacle now standing in my way? Was I supposed to not go back to school and pin my hopes on this illusive dream? And even if I drop the masters, what if I don't get into medical school? Again, pinning hopes. Why is this process so retarded?
So, I finally got an acceptance for an interview to medical school!!! Yippee!!! Except... I did acknowledge in my application that I am currently a grad student. Which is true. Apparently, in this case, in terms of acceptance and the interview, you have to fill out a grad progress report. This report gives you three options to choose from: a) My program (thesis, defence, exam, whatever, will be completed by June 30th, 2010) b) I am already completed my masters, I will send a transcript and c) I will not be done by June 30, 2010 and wish to WITHDRAW MY APPLICATION. WTF???? I won't be done, but there is no way I want to withdraw!!!!! Frick, how about I withdraw from the masters? What was supposed to be a good idea and a back up is quickly turning into my biggest nightmare.
All I want to do is cry, because I don't see a way around this. If I don't submit that section, I get my interview rescinded. The only section I am able to complete is the one that says "withdraw application". But I don't understand.... it's not as if I couldn't quit the program. Medicine is my dream, this was a strange backup. How logical is it that my "smart move" is turning into the obstacle now standing in my way? Was I supposed to not go back to school and pin my hopes on this illusive dream? And even if I drop the masters, what if I don't get into medical school? Again, pinning hopes. Why is this process so retarded?
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